is this a good opening for a cover letter? -- ASK A MANAGER |
is this a good opening for a cover letter?
by ASK A MANAGER on DECEMBER 6, 2011
A reader writes:
After reading through your blog, I realized I had been writing the type of cover letter that will get a resume/application sent directly to the circular file. I have since revised it, meaning I now write specific letters for each specific job for which I apply, as opposed to a less personal form letter. However, I use the same opener in each cover letter, and would like your guidance on if it is something that might make me stand out, either positively or negatively. Here’s a copy of my latest cover letter:
I am writing to apply for the position of Training Coordinator. I would like to start off by saying I am not very good at this sort of thing, writing cover letters, etc. Please do not take this as a lack of confidence in my abilities or even a false sense of humility. What it boils down to is this; how many times as a Human Resources professional can you read the same cliché and hackneyed phrases such as “motivated self-starter,” or “team player with natural born leadership abilities,” before it all just seems disingenuous? I understand that the goal of writing a cover letter is to explain why I believe that hiring me would be mutually beneficial; however, I do not want to speak in tired buzzwords or come off as a used car salesman trying to give a hard sell to a soft mark, either.
[remainder of letter redacted]
Hmmm. No. Here’s what I think when I read this letter: “You’re right it’s tiresome and annoying to read those sorts of cliches, but you’re way off-base in implying that those are the only options for cover letters. Those are horrible phrases for cover letters (or any part of life, really), but why don’t you realize that you could just avoid them entirely, instead of suggesting that ‘tired buzzwords’ are the only options?” And that that makes me think that you’re naive or unresourceful.
And that’s not a good way to introduce yourself.
You’ve also unnecessarily opened your letter on a negative note. Why not skip all this and just launch straight into the letter you want to write, rather than talking about the letter you don’t want to write, or the fact that you might not be good at it?
Also, as a neurotic grammar curmudgeon, I’m obligated to point out that you’re using a semicolon incorrectly in your fourth sentence, where you actually want a colon. Do not abuse the semicolon! It is the best of all punctuation marks.
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